Changing Body

7 Weeks // 8.5 Weeks // 10 Weeks // Changing stretched belly button //
15 Weeks // 19 Weeks

Continuing on from the last post, Ole and I actually did book to have a termination on the 13th February 2013, almost three weeks after we initially found out. At the time, friends and family thought we were 'dragging the decision out', and that we should've made the decision much sooner. I think unless you've been in the situation we were in at that moment in time,  nobody can really relate to how you're feeling, how quickly you should or shouldn't decide things, or really help in making the final decision. This was hard for me to grasp because although I had amazing support from family and friends - whatever decision, I also felt really alone and I can honestly say it was a few of the hardest weeks ever.

If I remember rightly, it was about 2 days before I was due to have the termination that I finally asked myself what I wanted. Not what my mum would want, not what Ole's parents would want, not what Ole wanted (to an extent - as his thoughts mattered a lot to me). I realised that I personally thought that termination was morally wrong - I think the type of termination also contributed to this view (I was too far into the pregnancy to just plainly take the two pills and have a 'period type bleed'), so it would've had to have been a mini-operation to remove the actual foetus. This then made me realise that I was more likely to regret the termination than carrying on with the pregnancy, regardless of my situation financially as well as with Ole.

Speaking to Ole about it I wanted to make sure that he wouldn't hate me, or resent me for 'ruining his life' as some had said, but he just reassured me that I wouldn't be ruining his life at all, it'd be changing it and that life is crazy and doesn't always go as planned. Which is obviously true; I had applied to London College of Fashion to study Fashion Photography. I also wanted to go travelling and see the world like everyone my age and Ole was enjoying being a carefree 19 year old! He told me that he'd do everything for me, him and our little sprog to make sure everything worked out and to make sure we were happy. Hearing this, being the pregnant, hormonal female I was made me feel so happy and secure, I knew that with Ole alongside me, nobody else's opinions mattered.

The next day we cancelled the termination and told our parents. We all shared big hugs and they told us everything will work out and will be fine. Looking back I'm so happy I decided to cancel. Just thinking about how upset and emotional I was at that time even makes me sad now, I wasn't myself and I can see that I have been 100x happier since choosing to continue.

From the photographs above you can see my progressively growing little belly! It makes me so excited as well as shocked at times to walk past the mirror and see how much it has actually grown since this whole adventure started. I think my belly button looks hilarious as it's so stretched, I'm hoping it doesn't pop out any time soon/at all as I am determined to keep my navel piercing - no matter how many people are telling me to take it out!

J xxx